A stick-figure Shakespeare comic by Mya Lixian Gosling
OK, the pace is picking up now! Romeo has been banished, Capulet is forcing Juliet to marry Paris in two days' time, and Juliet is headed to the last adult she trusts to give her reasonable advice! Let's see how this goes!
Did I say "reasonable advice"? I mean "highly sketchy advice".
So, last month one of my Tumblr followers posed the following question:
jmujaneway asked:
Hiya! Someone at lunch said there's a debate as to which Shakespeare character spends the most time dead on stage. I figured you'd know! Please help?
I offered up my best guesses (Caesar and Desdemona) and then Tumblr took over, with nellololol going to far as to do some in-depth research and provide us with some line counts. This was far too fun to leave alone, though, so I've done my own line-counting and here are the results!
Now, Bassianus and Humphrey are somewhat debatable, as they can conceivably spend part of their "dead" time hidden in a pit or behind bed curtains respectively. However, I have seen both languish on stage in person, so they are included. Conversely, I don't think I've ever seen a Romeo and Juliet production that actually included the "real live body" of Tybalt in the final scene, but I have heard of those that have, and that have similarly had a "real live body" of Caesar in the funeral scene.
If we go by the has-to-be-on-stage-dead-the-entire-time-no-chance-of-being-swapped-out-for-a-dummy matrix, however, the winner is Desdemona. Take a bow Desd-- oh wait, you can't. You're dead.
Parents. Can't live without 'em, but also definitely can't live with 'em.
POP QUIZ! Lord Capulet is:
(a) A jerk
(b) A terrible father
(c) A tyrant
(d) All of the above.
If you guessed "d"... YOU'RE CORRECT! CONGRATULATIONS!
Imagine that your secret husband has just been basnished for murdering your cousin! What could possibly make this situation worse?
Parents. Parents can make it worse.
Well, it's the last scene of Act 3 and THEY'VE FINALLY MADE IT TO BED.
People never have good premonitions. No one ever says "I feel like someone is baking me a surprise cake for dessert and then I will get that dream job I've applied for". It's always "I FEEL LIKE SOMETHING TERRIBLE IS GOING TO HAPPEN."
Oh well, that's life.
It's generally believed that Romeo and Juliet could easily be a comedy IF ONLY Mercutio and Tybalt hadn't died, and that their duel is what turns the entire play from a comedy into a tragedy. However, it can effectively be argued that this is the scene that really removes any hope of a happy ending. And it's ALL CAPULET'S FAULT.
Side note: People today take months, even YEARS to plan a wedding, but the Capulets are just like... "three days, it's all good, let's do this". Granted, this is partially because they don't want to have a big lavish celebration in the wake of Tybalt's death, but still. THREE DAYS.
When we last left our hero, he was lying on the floor of Friar Laurence's cell, being overly melodramatic and self-indulgent. As usual.
ROMEO AND JULIET DRINKING GAME IDEA: Take a drink whenever Friar Laurence has to disarm a suicidal teenager. Because this isn't the last time.
Back to Romeo and Juliet, where Romeo is about to make a fool of himself. Again, I mean. It's not like this is the first time in the play that he's made a fool of himself.
Romeo: I demand to be treated like an adult and to have my feelings respected!
Also Romeo: *throws himself to the ground and refuses to get up or speak to anyone*
